Guarding The White Meat

-- Guarding the White Meat


All acts of sucking up will serve you well -- and thus my learning from many years working in large corporations. Oh yeah, the other thing I picked up – the need to suck up never stops. This is a requirement regardless of your level in the grand corporate org chart. Despite my long list of accountabilities, pressures to perform, assets to manage and drive an unrealistically high return on, I still needed to tolerate and compliment my boss’s admin. It seemed the charm skills I had hidden from my wife soon after we were married were now called upon to get that elusive time slot on the big guy’s/gal’s calendar.

I honed my skills early. As a young pup in the world of big business, I eagerly sponged wisdom by listening and watching others. I continuously observed masters at their game in the meeting-rich jungle-like environment. They seemed to effortlessly navigate and survive the surprises and challenges that leapt out to embarrass and expose them. The top players would deftly handle it all and generally create an impression of being knowledgeable and at times going so far as to give credit to their boss for all of the success. I was in awe.

Some of my wisdom came from seeing even the simple sycophants attempting to endear by complimenting snappy clothes, declaring brilliance in the semi-clever questions of others, and touting the awesomeness of a mildly admirable golf swing. The more advanced moved on to providing this service full time. These guys are known as vice presidents. I became one of these. My role was to accompany my superior to meetings and with just-in-time precision, feed him clever lines that he could utter to the awaiting ears of the employee masses. Thus the senior exec could extol things like, “The competition is fierce, but we still have several innings to go in this game”, or “Synergies will be achieved and make us stronger”, or “I appreciate your praise for me but it was all thanks to the little people”.

My transformation from observing to actually making sucking-up a way of life, came as I was running the corporate quality program – by the way you can easily substitute innovation program, customer-first program, ethics program, etc. Appropriately indoctrinated and filled with the knowledge that my contributions would drive substantial impact and change, I readied myself for the meeting where my boss had invited the CEO to attend and pitch the reasons why the program-du-jour was so important. 10 minutes prior to the appointed time when the CEO would arrive and join us for lunch in advance of his talk; I was called aside by a man who had already garnered widespread respect and made millions in his role as senior executive. What could be on the mind of this giant of industry – yes you guessed it – he was worried that the lunch buffet have a selection that would satisfy the CEO and a choice other than red meat. So my special moment of attention from my revered boss at this critical point was an assignment with the imperative that there be some sliced turkey left for the CEO’s sandwich. Many would have taken the task lightly or with disdain – not I! Instead, without prior training (or common sense), I jumped into action. Positioning myself at the meat tray section of the food line, I firmly informed lower level eaters that they must take the roast beef or pastrami and surrender their tongs of turkey. For I was – guarding the white meat! In hindsight, perhaps I should have scooped some of the prized fare onto a plate and stored it away – perhaps – but the importance of ensuring the CEO’s happiness, and my own boss’s status, was beyond such long term thinking and instead required make-it-happen action. In the end, the CEO arrived, was fed his favorite and subsequently shared his inspiring comments that went something like, “it is up to the little people to make a difference!”